Wednesday, September 12, 2007

7 Sentence Story Revision

seven sentence:
1:Kal the pamingo is rummaging through garbage near his home when he comes across an unopened container he has never seen before.

2: The container blips ands bleeps curiously as Kal approaches it pensively.

3: Kal fumbles with the container trying to figure out how to open it and finds the button.

4: The box flies from Kal's hands and lands heavily on the pavement, so heavily that kal can not pick it up all in the meanwhile the box chatters and a countdown ensues(lights and blipping etc...).

5: Kal then draws on previous experiences with mysteriously counting down containers and gets very agitated.

6: The container stops beeping and the countdown reaches its termination, the container cracks open to reveal a thing of happiness(dont know yet).

7: Kal takes the thing of happiness home and hangs it on his wall of various mundane emotionless objects objects, Kal smiles.


Blogger Jon said...

Flynn, I love where your story is going and the sketches of your charcter are fantastic. I do agree with some of the comments in class. This charcter really needs a purpose or goal. I personally think the treasure hunter idea is a good one and if you decide to pursue that route I would say check out National Treasure and Indiana Jones as movie references.

If that is not the route you want to go you can make it so that he needs food and that is what he is looking for. However; from the way you described the character in class, he sounds like a junk collector enthusiast. Either way that goal is going to the affect your conflict. If he is this treasure hunter, I think a good conflict would be in attaining a particular treasure (item). To create a good conflict it is sometimes helpful to name the two things that oppose each other (your charcter vs a can that contains treasure; our character vs himself in that he physically might not be able to reach a particualar item he desires)

As far as resolution goes, I always like to simplify it so that there are two things that could happen. For example your charcter either gets that treasure or doesn't get it. After you decide that then you can twist it in anyway you want.... how does he fail in getting the treasure. You can make it humoruos and have him get through all these struggles then he slips and falls just before he reaches it, or he gets his hand stuck in the jar that contains the treasure... it's up to you, but knowing you I think you might like a humurous ending.

Another reference I just thought about is the squirrel in Ice Age and Ice Age II. He struggles so hard to get that one acorn and keep it safe and their are so many humurous things that happen to him in the process... my favorite was when the acorn was sitting on a little ledge of ice and he is about to pole vault out to it and it looks like he is going to make it but at the last second he just plummets towards the ground. But I would say this could create a funny little twist in the end of your story.

10:34 AM  

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