Revised Story
Another process that should not be overlooked is how many revisions a story can go through before it is good enouh to finalize. even then, it's still going to be considered to change. reminds me of painting, a painting is never done. it just keeps needing more and more layers.... *sigh* i think i have finally come across a story that is worth my effort.
in short this is a basic 7 sentence story for those that want to read it.
-Kal climbs a pile of debris to acquire a can than hangs precariously on the summit.
-as Kal's finger touches it, the can rolls down the hill and into a pile of debris
-He wedges himself into the space to grapple the can but knocks the debris pile over, causing himself to tumble down the hill
-Kal struts into a clearing with other pamingos staring at him curiously and glaring at the can-hat, but flee at the sight of a very bright light.
-the light grabs onto the very delighted Kal, lifting him up towards the sky and away from the clearing.
-Kal is dropped off at a new location, but at Kal's dismay; there are no other pamingos, and kal sees that there are few debris piles.
-Kal takes the can off of his head and draws a face on it
in short this is a basic 7 sentence story for those that want to read it.
-Kal climbs a pile of debris to acquire a can than hangs precariously on the summit.
-as Kal's finger touches it, the can rolls down the hill and into a pile of debris
-He wedges himself into the space to grapple the can but knocks the debris pile over, causing himself to tumble down the hill
-Kal struts into a clearing with other pamingos staring at him curiously and glaring at the can-hat, but flee at the sight of a very bright light.
-the light grabs onto the very delighted Kal, lifting him up towards the sky and away from the clearing.
-Kal is dropped off at a new location, but at Kal's dismay; there are no other pamingos, and kal sees that there are few debris piles.
-Kal takes the can off of his head and draws a face on it
posted by jaboran at
11:27 PM
3 Comments:
Hey Flynn,
This new story is good, but I have trouble seeing a conflict in the story. PLEASE ADDRESS A CONFLICT! .... otherwise it ends up being just an ordinary day type story. The character has to want something and there has to be a build up to it. So my suggestion is make this can that he wants the main conflict and a struggle to try and get it, or you use the light as a high climactic point.
You have and excellent character and a fantastic scenery, but you need a stronger pull on your story. Just keep in mind when you are storyboarding, modeling, and animating:
[What drives your character... goal, need
By doing this, you will understand why your character does what he does and everything will make sense to the audience. For now hit those ke point, goal, need, climax, resolution and then you'll be good to go. It's a matter of digging down deep into your character and getting a good feel for who he is. Plus BE CONFIDENT! You know your character and what you want to say just tell us what that is... that's the whole point in telling a story. Plus another thing to keep in mind is something that Jim told me which is; " When creating an animation, think to yourself would people go and see this film (short)" If your answer is yes than your story is probably a good one.
Just keep working on it pal.
Damnit Jon, always saying things I want to say.
I agree about the lack of conflict. It's a really nice story and the ending is endearing, but There's nothing beyond that final "awww" moment at the end that really brings you to feel for Kal's plight.
I think part of the problem is that you stuck with the 7-sentence structure of the story when you posted it here on Blogspot. If you fleshed it out into greater detail and full paragraphs, you could get more across to us that you may have planned in your head. 7 sentences doesn't give us a ton to go on, and while I know you're still revising, It would do you a lot of good to get as much on the table as possible - that way you can really see EXACTLY where you're at with the story, and we can help critique it better.
It's really getting there though, it's a really nice jump forward compared to the last few drafts.
i enjoy this story much better. the story needs to be developed much more than its current state, but elaborating on the conflict a little more would help. it sounds like it is almost there; with the addition of a climax or gripping conflict you will be good to go.
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